How to Have More Self-Compassion - Putting Yourself First
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is an attitude of compassion that we show ourselves, recognizing our own suffering and responding with kindness and understanding. It involves treating ourselves as we would treat a good friend when faced with failure or adversity. This can help us become more aware of our feelings and make meaningful changes in our lives without feeling overwhelmed or ashamed.
What Are the 3 Main Components of Self-Compassion?
The three main components of self-compassion are mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of our thoughts and feelings without judgment. It helps us to recognize our suffering in a non-reactive way, allowing us to become more accepting and understanding of ourselves.
Common Humanity: Common humanity is the recognition that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience. Embracing this shared reality can help us to feel connected to others, rather than isolated or judged.
Self-Kindness: Self-kindness involves treating ourselves with compassion, understanding, and care. It means responding to our suffering and mistakes with love, rather than self-criticism or harshness.
What Are the 3 Strategies of More Self-Compassion?
The following are 3 strategies for greater self-compassion.
Reach out for support: Seeking comfort from friends, family members, or professionals can help us to feel less alone in our suffering and remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.
Write it out: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a good way to express yourself compassionately and gain a better understanding of your emotions.
Give yourself time: Allow yourself to have some space and time to process your feelings in whatever way works best for you. This can be especially helpful when dealing with difficult emotions or challenging situations.
Self-Compassion Phrases – Examples
A huge part of practicing this is watching what you say to yourself. Your internal dialogue is incredibly important. Below are a few things you can say to yourself to gain self-compassion.
• “I forgive myself.”
• “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
• “I am doing the best I can.”
• “Things will get better.”
• “I am worthy of love and compassion.”
• “I am enough.”
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”
Why is Self-Compassion So Hard?
This can be difficult for many people, as it requires us to confront our feelings and acknowledge our own suffering. People often struggle with it because of deeply rooted beliefs about themselves that are hard to change. It may also be difficult to break out of the pattern of self-criticism that you have been used to for a long time. Building this takes practice, patience and compassion for yourself every step of the way.
The following are some in-depth examples of things that can hinder your self-compassion:
Cognitive distortions – If you have a tendency to think in terms of all-or-nothing, overgeneralizing or catastrophizing, it can be difficult to practice compassion towards yourself.
Self-criticism – Being overly critical of yourself and beating yourself up for mistakes can make self compassion harder.
Perfectionism – If you are striving for perfection, it can be difficult to recognize your own humanity and have compassion for yourself when things go wrong.
Denying emotions – Not recognizing or accepting your feelings can make it harder to respond compassionately to them.
Self-Compassion Exercises
Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Imagine that your best friend was going through the same struggles and ask yourself what kind words or advice you might offer them.
Give yourself permission to feel. Notice when emotions arise, validate them, and practice compassion rather than judgment or criticism.
Sit in stillness for a few moments and imagine compassion radiating towards you from all directions.
Practice self-care activities such as taking a warm bath, doing some gentle stretching, or going for a walk in nature. By practicing self compassion and challenging the ways we think about ourselves, we can learn to be more kind and understanding of ourselves. It involves treating ourselves with compassion, understanding, and care. It allows us to take a step back from our difficulties and give ourselves the compassion we need to move forward in life.
Self-Compassion Examples
• Taking a mental health day to reset and recharge
• Replacing negative self-talk with more positive affirmations
• Setting boundaries with people who are not supportive or understanding of you.
How Will You Improve Your Life by Developing Self-Compassion?
By practicing self compassion, we can learn to be more understanding and kind to ourselves. This in turn can help us to cope better with our struggles and challenges, as well as cultivate a healthier attitude towards life. This helps us to recognize that we are all imperfect and that it is ok not to be perfect. It allows us to extend compassion to ourselves when we make mistakes, and gives us permission to take care of our own needs. Self compassion can also help us feel more connected with others, as it allows us to extend compassion to those around us. Ultimately, it can lead to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
Self Compassion Journal Prompts
What is something that I could do today to be kind to myself?
How can I practice compassion when my life feels overwhelming?
What habits can I create to help me cultivate self compassion and self love?
How can I learn to accept and embrace my imperfections more fully?
What would it look like to show compassion and understanding towards myself?
What would it feel like to truly accept myself unconditionally?
How can I practice compassion even when life feels chaotic or out of control?
What do I need today in order to offer compassion and kindness towards myself?
Do you want more personalized help with self-compassion specifically or building your leadership toolkit in general? Don’t hesitate to reach out here.
Interested in Learning More About Self-Compassion?
Here are some additional resources on self-compassion. Please Google the titles below.
How to Bring Self-Compassion to Work with You? – Greater Good
6 Ways to Exercise Self-Compassion – Stanford Alumni
Self-Compassion – Kristin Neff